I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
