Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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