I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
sarcasm needs its own font
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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