Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
