I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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