You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
