i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
