I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
