I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
