It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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