speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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