I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
