Capitaan dildo arrescate!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
