He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
