A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
