i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
