i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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