Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i came on her dog
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
