I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
