Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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