listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
