Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
