Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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