this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
