Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
