She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
