I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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