There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
