I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
