i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
