That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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