I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
