so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
