all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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