toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just had sex bonerless
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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