Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If that was your dad, he is hot
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
