I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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