Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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