you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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