i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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