how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
