Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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