You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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