I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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