After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
