one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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