Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
