Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
