Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
