You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
