I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
