I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
