whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
